In modern society, people who stand up for themselves and for the rights of others are often seen as heroes, as champions of justice. There are, however, a potential costs to this form of heroism.

One of my students recently told me how a friend of his complained to a group of people loudly talking and swearing at the back of a bus. He pointed out that their swearing was disruptive and that there were children on the bus. Several stops later, the man and his girlfriend got off and the group followed them and attacked. The women held the girl back while the men beat him down until he lay bloodied and unconscious.

Last week, an LA moviegoer who was watching a screening of ‘Shutter Island’ spoke up against someone who was talking on his cell phone in the theatre during the movie. A dispute ensued and the man who had spoken up had a meat thermometer plunged into his neck for his efforts. Read the complete story.

Does this mean that we should all just let things go for the sake of avoiding conflict? More often than not, the answer is yes. While the meat thermometer attack is a response you’re unlikely to encounter, in a public place to boot, there are a lot of other potential risks to consider. When you’re dealing with a complete stranger, you don’t know whether or not they have friends willing to jump in, whether they’re carrying a weapon, whether they’re drunk or high, or what they’re capable of in a state of anger. And what do you risk if the conflict ends in a fight? Disfigurement, serious injuries, physical disabilities, brain damage, paralysis. You risk losing the ability to do the things you love and take care of the people you love. It’s not worth it to get directly involved over the little things.

If you find yourself tempted to engage someone in a conflict, stop and calmly think it through. You’ll find that it’s probably not worth it. This isn’t cowardice; it’s simply having the confidence and mental fortitude to know what your priorities are.

Tags: conflict avoidance | self-defense