The Tao of Saying Goodbye – Part 1: Tips for Martial Arts Students
Dojo owners/instructors always hope that each new student that walks in the door will fall in love with their school and its martial arts classes and stay with them for years, even decades. Good instructors pour their hearts into what they do and want to see their students receive all the benefits of martial arts training they have come to appreciate over the years. Realistically though, this kind of long term commitment is rare, and even if students are committed, there will be times when life leads them to take breaks. Senseis must learn to accept this inevitability and be able to say goodbye with respect and grace. It’s not necessarily easy for them though, especially if the student has been with them a while, so there are things students can do to help the process.
Tips for Saying Goodbye as a Student
In Western society, people don’t think of most paid services as being a personal thing. If you need a gym membership, you pay for it. When you no longer need it, you stop paying for it. And while there are martial arts schools that use this same style of business model, many are much more personal than that. If you have a Sensei that demonstrates that they are interested in you and your personal development and doesn’t treat you as just a number, consider the following tips for saying goodbye in a manner befitting the relationship.
- Let your instructors know. Not everyone knows that they’re “quitting” training. Often-time people have every intention of coming back. If your membership has ended, but you’re not sure when you’ll be coming back, send a quick email or call your Sensei and let them know what your situation is. This is a simple politeness that they will appreciate personally. They’ll also appreciate knowing what to tell other students if they ask about you, and it gives them a chance to make up for your absence financially if necessary.
- Be honest. If there is something about the dojo that has changed that has turned you off training or you’re not finding you’re meeting your own personal goals, letting your instructor know gives them the chance to improve the situation. They may not realize the situation exists, and even if it won’t change your mind if they fix the thing, at least it will help your instructor make the dojo better for fellow students that are sticking with their training.
- Thank your instructors. If your Senseis have done a good job and you have enjoyed your time training with them, thank them and let them know how the training has made a difference in your life. The best martial arts instructors devote their time and energy to teaching for the love of it, and to make a difference in the lives of their students. Even if they’re a little sad you’re leaving, they’ll very much appreciate knowing they’ve made a difference.
If you only trained for a short period of time, it’s not as big a deal if you fade away without notice. That being said, an instructor will always appreciate it if you let them know you won’t be coming back at the very least. Instructors have their own responsibilities in their reactions to when students leave, regardless of the manner in which it is done. I will cover these in The Tao of Saying Goodbye – Part 2: Tips for Martial Arts Instructors.
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Excellent blog post! So often overlooked is the inevitable parting of ways of some students. Many instructors (myself among them) will sometimes beat themselves up over it, wondering what they could have done better or, perhaps, how they may have failed this particular student. Life does sometimes get in the way, though, and it is important for an instructor not to become disheartened. He owes his or her students that much.
It is also relatively uncommon to get a student who is forthcoming about why they are leaving. They tend to be evasive and avoid the possible confrontation, not realizing that their honest views would be well received and examined carefully. I always respect a departing student when they are forthright about their reasons for leaving.
In truth, though, truly communicative students often feel free to contact their instructor prior to any issue getting bad enough to repel them completely. I have been fortunate in this and have developed very open and trusting relationships with students and (in the case with youth) parents. Their honest feedback and criticisms have helped me grow my programs into something that benefits everybody.
I had a student who had been with me for 3 years inform me that he was leaving the dojo. He did everything in the proper way and was just moving in a new direction in his life wanting to take up different activities etc. He said he would still recommend the dojo to his friends and that it had nothing to do with the club or its instruction. Even when they do it right, it’s still sad though.