How Do Your Assumptions Hold You Back?
Mar. 09, 2011 By: Filed in: Psychology & Success | Self-defense
I was reading a book the other day called Meditations on Violence: A Comparison of Martial Arts Training & Real World Violence by Sgt. Rory Miller
In one example the author provides, a man had 2 different types of martial arts training, one that he considered to be unrealistic and worthless, and another that was more grappling oriented that he felt was more like a “real fight.” The man in question had been involved in a number of “encounters.” In one of these encounters, he was surprised and he reacted with is old “worthless” style, using a quick front kick to the chin, knocking the attacker flat at no harm to him. In another encounter, after this man had been training in his new style for awhile, he interfered in a conflict between a biker and a man who owed the biker money. He got hurt very badly while trying to use his new skills. Now despite actual experience in which he has fared better using is older style in fights, this man still believed that his new art was better because he felt it was more like how a real fight would be. His assumption overrode reality.
In another example, the author refers to a woman who didn’t think she could hurt a large man. He gave her an excellent illustration to see the fallacy of her reasoning. He told her to picture a 200-pound man holding a cat and asked her if the man could kill it.
“Sure,” she replied.
He then continues on, “Now imagine I throw a bucket of water on them. What happens?”
The woman replies, “The cat goes berserk and starts scratching the guy up.”
“Does the guy let go?”
“Probably.”
“So the cat wins?”
“I guess. Sure.”
“So you’re telling me that an 8-pound cat can hurt a big man and you can’t?”
“The cat has claws and teeth.”
“And you don’t?”
She then replies. “But I’ve wrestled with my boyfriends before and I couldn’t do anything.”
And there’s the problem. She drew from experiences in which she didn’t want to actually hurt the person with whom she was tousling, which is completely different from real combat in which she theoretically would not hold back. This assumption almost caused the woman to give up on her training too. It is for this reason that I discourage women who take my Vancouver women’s self-defense class from showing what they learned to their male friends and family. Many of the moves “won’t work” because they hold back not wanting to actually hurt their friend or loved one. And when this happens they may mistakenly think they wouldn’t be able to use these skills effectively on the street.
I take active measures to dispel assumptions that women have about violence. One of the first things I do when I teach women’s self-defense is describe what the typical attack on a woman is like: Usually a man, 3/4 of the time someone you know, and the attack usually takes place in a home or a vehicle. It gets women out of the idea that an attack on a woman is some strange man in a dark alley and into the reality that they have to practice being aware not only when they’re walking alone late at night, but everywhere in their day-to-day life.
Rory Miller tells us in his book, “Do not let yourself be crippled by something that only exists in your mind.” This is great advice. We should always be willing to challenge our assumptions and accept that reality can unfold very differently from what we expect, regardless of what we’ve trained in, learned, or experienced.
So what assumptions do you have about yourself, about martial arts styles (yours and others), or about violent attacks? Have you had any experiences that have made you take a hard look at those assumptions?
We're proud to announce that Lori O'Connell Sensei's new book, When the Fight Goes to the Ground: Jiu-jitsu Strategies & Tactics for Self-Defense, published through international martial arts publisher Tuttle Publishing, is now available in major book stores and online. More about it & where to buy it.
You probably already know this, but Rory Miller also has a blog; it's always full of food for thought.
http://chirontraining.blogspot.com/
Thanks for that Elias. I didn't realize he had a blog.
Hi Lori,
I really enjoy reading your blog, to supplement my JJJ training in the UK.
I am a beginner and looking for a Japanese Jiu Jitsu dojo in Japan.
I would be very grateful if you can recommend a dojo that you have tried.
Despite my best efforts and hours of research online, I've been unable to find a dojo in Japan, would this indicate that JJJ is not practised there ? if so would
Aikido be a good alternative ?
if so I would be very grateful for a dojo recommendation.
Best regards,
Ray
Hi Ray. I'm glad you enjoy my blog. 🙂 It is true that there is not a lot of JJJ in Japan nowadays, but t does exist. I don't know of any places personally, but no someone who does. Try contacting the Sensei of this dojo. He might be willing to help you out: http://www.sadohana.com/. Good luck and thanks for reading!
Perhaps the guy in the first example hadn't been training for too long in this new system and it was his lack of experience that did him in? In my view it's better to react instantly with what you know best (even if it might not be the greatest solution to that particular problem) than try your latest trick that you haven't mastered properly. In a fight you react instinctively (hopefully) using perhaps 1% or even less of what you actually know and it's the way a technique is executed (hard and fast) that'll determine effectiveness not the technique in itself. You'd think the guy would learn from experience that his new style wasn't all that useable and from there two ways are open to you: one is to abandon the new style completely (if fighting is the main objective), the second option consists of training so much in the new style that it becomes second nature so it'll be equally effective. I truly believe style doesn't make the fighter but practice and heart. Learning new styles is great and adds to one's knowledge and overall skills but for practical problems I firmly believe in the KISS-strategy: keep it simple and stupid. Don't complicate things (why try to kick his temple when a simple hook punch will work just as well, don't turn your back to him for a hipthrow when a cross would work at least as well) or sooner or later you'll run into mr. Murphy and violence is not something you want to take chances on.
If your club or dojo is even the slightest bit orientated towards self-defense there should be a core curriculum of a few very easy, very crude and very effective techniques to carry the day which are to be practiced regularly besides the usual martial arts stuff you practice for the art's sake and to develop yourself as a person. For me that core consists of basic boxing punches (hard to beat those)hammerfists, shuto's, knees & elbows and low straight kicks aimed at the shin, groin and knee. Combine these with an effective entry and you're almost garanteed to win the fight and that ultimately is what is most important (especially at that moment, lol).
As to your question: I don't have that many assumptions anymore (used to though), I just train in what I believe is effective, suited to my body and personality and fun at the same time. The more styles you encounter the more you start to realise the principles and body mechanics used in effective techniques are pretty much the same no matter the details or aesthetics of that particular style: punching is punching, kicking is kicking and swinging a weapon is the same whether you pracice kendo or escrima. There are only so many ways of hitting someone and we all have four limbs (no more, no less) so that is what we have to work with. It follows that the core of many styles will be more or less the same regardless of the superficial differences.
Zara
As to the question about Japanese Jujutsu: I can recommend the organization run by Shoto Tanemura which teaches genbukan ninpo, koryu (old school) jujutsu and koryu karate among other things. It depends on where you're going to be staying of course but the honbu dojo is near Tokio so it might be worth checking out. This is the website with the four Japanese based dojo's: http://www.genbukan.org/cgi-bin/site.pl?1711&seq=3&cxDatabase_databaseID=1&newSearch=1&country=Japan&sortBy=sort%2Cname. A friend of mine trains in a local branch and he's been most pleased with it so I do think it'll be worth it. Surely there must be more dojo's out there (the number has dwindled over the years though), a strategy that might work is to locate traditional dojo's in your own country and ask for the data about their honbu (home) dojo in Japan.
Good luck and enjoy the trip,
Zara
Zara, thanks for sharing your thoughts and that info. Very helpful!